Being an only child.

I always try not to sound dramatic whenever I write about my feelings and post them on my socials to let other people read them.

You probably think that being an only child is something everyone dreams of. All the stuff your parents bring when they return from work or any other place is yours. There’s no one who shares your snacks, toys, clothes, and even the attention you get from your parents. And that might push you to keep fantasizing about being an only child. But little do most people know, there’s also no one to share your weird side or even your secrets. Many people would consider acting weird or opening up about your problems to be a bad thing.

You can see me here.

I don’t know how to treat people, especially those who love me, because I grew up getting unconditional love and treatment from my parents. No matter what mistakes I make, I know their love remains the same. It wasn’t long ago that I realized this side of me is a literal red flag when it comes to coping with the outside world. I sometimes think I’m not born to look after people, like how others might have learned from having siblings.

When you’re an only child, you don’t learn how to share things or handle disagreements with others regularly. You never have to fight over who gets to play with the same toy or argue about what to watch on TV. You don’t have to be the one who learns to share your parents' attention with someone else, so it’s easy to get used to having everything to yourself. But when you step into the world, you realize things are different. Not everyone has been given the same kind of treatment that you have. And that makes you weak in front of others.

I might deliberately not pick up the phone when my mom calls just because I’m not feeling good. The next day, after some insulting sessions, she’s still the same. I might ignore both my parents for days or even weeks just because they didn’t buy something I wanted. But they’re still the same after they tell me why they’re unable to fulfill my needs.

I can’t stop myself from doing these things to others. Trust me, I’d rather solve the hardest math problem than explain why I do that.

At the end of the day, they’ll get tired of me.

Sometimes, I wonder if this is because I never had a brother or sister. Maybe if I had grown up with siblings, I would have learned how to treat people better, or at least how to be more understanding when someone needs attention. I don’t always get it right, and sometimes I feel like I let people down.

I thought it was a good thing to always have everything I wanted. But now, I realize it has made me selfish and clueless when it comes to relationships. I never learned how to compromise with someone who isn’t my parent. I didn’t have to share my toys or food with a sibling, and I never had to worry about someone else taking the spotlight. So, when I started making friends, I noticed I didn’t know how to act or how to give them the same kind of love they gave me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, and I will always be grateful for everything they have done for me. But I’ll always blame them for not giving me a little sister who I could at least get on her nerves whenever I wanted.