The personification of Joy

Hello dear reader, Have you missed me? Cuz I sure as hell did. In case you were wondering what I have been up to(for ego purposes and imaginary validation I am seeking, I am going to assume you care, thank you for understanding).

Incase you were wondering what I have been up to other than doom scrolling, looking in the mirror to count my freckles and crying in the bathroom during company hours, I have been suffering from emotional constipation and suppression of self deprecating thoughts that has me as angry as Ethiopians when somebody changes their religion. Hating myself as any young woman of the 21st century, and mirroring that hatred on to others. To the point I started to wonder what their blood tastes like especially on cold nights like this I started entertaining the warmth of it. So then I took a step back being the rational woman I am and did some self analysis.

It is time to write these negative emotions away and work through my issues. And no this doesn't mean vegetating in bed while reading Joan Didion as I diddle myself under the sheets in the name of “stress relief”; climaxing to the idea of the great manifesto I plan to write but never do. HEHE.

The windy addis feels unwelcoming. When I was in university I used to think I was in a trial period for hell due to the heat that tends to liquify my insides. How I longed to be back home and with my loved ones. Addis welcomed me colder than ever. Pricer than ever. The streets are ever so bright but our lives are well….

I must admit this feels like another circle of hell on its own, a sort of Ethiopian adaptation of Dante's inferno. I am so freezing cold right now, looking like a walking closet is not just doing it for me any more. Perhaps I ought to pee on my hands just like how the cavemen did it back in the day; just so I can finish writing to you. (Bare with my unfiltered thought I am still working through my issues).

Where was I? Yes Addis the ever beautiful the ever bright Addis that is full of democracy and street lights. Only democracy has dreadlocks and enjoys the wilderness. Perhaps I too should move in the woods to work through my issues. Become an advocate of some sort just to feel heard and seen(kidding I don't indulge in orphan behavior)

In my failed attempt to look for company for my misery before I descend into fictional cannibalism I am now aware of things. And fuck how I hate it. I blame myself for starting to read the news. Now I look for even more horrendous content,becoming a junkie to the virtual self harm many of us are prone victims to.

Anyways, amidst this whole pointlessness…. I'd offer some hopeful insight to tie this together but the gaping hole inside my shallow stupid mind fixates on the germs crawling under my skin,the fear of failure and waterboarding an individual that looks awfully dehydrated(yes I care about your kidneys).

Alas Life is messy but…. “Whether you're a brother or whether you're a motherYou're stayin' alive, stayin' aliveFeel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'And we're stayin' alive, stayin' aliveAh, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive (oh)Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive (oh)”