Heaven's Prank

Today was the day I finally opened the letter I had written to myself ten years ago. Such weak hands I got, started shaking; I don't look like a person with a drop of fluid in his body, face and body started sweating; aware of where I am, as if it was ordered to do so, my legs teleported me to rather green ereme(may be backyard, then again English ain't my born-with language) of the house full of corns/wheat–wish I had my own room, every hour of the day. I became seated, in that wet transpiring grass, and looked up, gazed, at that one and only blue sky up in the sky, duuhhh. “Heavens help me!” I shout. Then all of a sudden it hit me, “ kids are dumb you know”, hence the message in the letter is– because I was a kid 10 years ago. Then, again, the heavens respond to my prayer. My hands feel lighter(way lighter than a hand holding a single piece of paper). “Not this again”, I say to myself. This is its millionth time happening, just have me my prize, dream lord! Or don't let me dream. This is torture. 
But, real talk, deep-down at the bottom, I am happy that it was not real. I am happy I did not write a letter to after-10-year-future self. Hear me out. I was a kid 10 years ago, 6 years old. And looking back, I could only remember the time that all I wanted in the world when I was 8, even bigger kid, was a sports shoe with cool sole teeth that many students wear to school. That would have been disappointing to read, and yet only the thought of it sunk me deep into another thought of how I might, and might not be that kid anymore. Now, I want many things and the amount of things I am and I do only keeps getting bigger.
Still a child to my mother, younger brother to all of my siblings, a student to my school and local church teachers, a friend to my friends and an unknown stranger to a passerby. A geek and programmer. Otaku, Japanese anime and manga Fan. Ranging from how a boy with no drop of magic in a world where magic is everything makes himself known to the world–Black Clover– to the life of a kid who is hated by all of his own village people, the very own he was born into and both his parents died for, grows up to be the man that saves, leads the village as well as make peace with the surrounding nations–Naruto, and Naruto Shippuden; I have watched them all. Linkedin, Google, Youtube, Facebook, instagram, tiktok, Github, Vscode user on an Android phone; Soccer(Football)fan, a team leader, sleep enthusiast. “I wanna know everything” kind of person. Various fields of knowledge and activities interest me, from Albert Camus’s “Absurdism”, to Schrödinger’s partial differential equation that governs the wave function of a non-relativistic quantum-mechanical system. 
“Glazing”, might you say in tiktok terms. Maybe I am, maybe not, who knows. But, the point is that my annual or lifetime goal is not only getting a soccer shoe anymore, but many things. Now more than ever I understand I have more to learn than teach; more to explore than my Mama's home; more shoes, and perspectives to fill and respect than make assumptions. 
On the flip side, now I also know that there are more cruel and unbelievably sad things than my mother getting sick; that there are way more scary people and things than those horror movies that I was not allowed to watch; the list goes on, list of diverse and many kinds bad things happening in our world as well as to me and the ones I do to others and to myself.
And in a way I still am that kid who wants all shiny things to himself. But Whatever I am, I need to go back to sleep, ASAP. It is so dark that it all feels like a dream inside another dream.